what if guys came coffee… i’ll have one ejaculatte please
I just spit out my coffee
You’re supposed to swallow it
So i have this giant pencil right
I think we all know where this is going.
the amount of people saying that they were expecting me to shove it up my ass is alarming
me owning the kangaroos at the zoo
I don’t go thru ppls pictures on their phone cause I wasn’t raised in the jungle
My sister gave my dad a birthday card and she wrote “you’ve always been like a father to me”
"sir what you did is literally 100 percent illegal"
"ok but get this: im a rich white person"
"oh sorry about that sir"
Are you fucking kidding me? Like, no, Shakespeare wouldn’t tweet a sonnet cause 140 characters is a bit short for that. Wrong medium. But you know what he would have? A very active twitter FULL OF DICK PUNS AND YOUR MOM JOKES okay. (And probably also a blog for the sonnets and longer works, that cross-posts links to twitter anyway.)
Get out of here with that pretentious anti-technology bullshit.
lmao what is it even trying to get at like of course he never tweeted a sonnet, computers didn’t exist?? This is so weird
Unless getting your ass kicked by a giant stuffed animal in front of an arena full of people is just “your thing.”
i want someone who will sit on a rooftop with me at 3 am and shave their head while i shave my head and then hotglue the hair to the roof so the roof will have hair
This. Is. Beautiful.
jerry accidentally walked into someone elses interview so he backtracked and pulled out his phone and just scrolled through it in the middle of the red carpet
does art imitate life? or does life imitate art?